enthusiastic phases of life

Sometime back I read this book called Rich Dad Poor Dad. After that I felt passionate about investing. No matter what happened I would get my daily doze of CNBC. I would wake up real early in the morning and find myself glued to CNBC. I would take down the share prices of important stocks. Next to it I would note my own predictions of where the prices were headed. I would scrutinize the business section of newspapers carefully. Reading between the lines. All this lasted for little more than a week. It’s been seven months since that week got over. Haven’t watched CNBC ever since. Or read the business section of any newspaper with any kind of regularity.

The enthusiastic phases of life. It comes around every couple of weeks. A new idea to think about, a new theme to live by, a new way of doing old things, a new outlook towards life or problems.

At different stages in my life I wanted to be one of the following. An expert hacker (spent a week downloading 2gbs of how-to-hack data, which I never read). A bodybuilder like Schwarzenegger (spent a month in a gym and have never entered a gym since then). A star website designer (spent 5 months learning flash and adobe photoshop but never got around to using my knowledge in any constructive way). I also wanted to be a finance wiz (read half of Benjamin Graham’s Intelligent Investor before tossing it aside). I wanted to be a Buddhist (read couple of websites on Buddhism before I got bored). This list of what I want/wanted to be is endless.

What bought on these enthusiastic phases? At times it was guilt, that I haven’t done enough in life. At other times it was fear, that things will get worse if I don’t do something about them now. On some occasions it was the desire for acceptance, so I could dazzle people with my brilliance. On more memorable occasions, it was self-love. The kind of love that made me want to be a better person. Not to be better than anyone else, just to be better than myself.

Sadly, most of these phases typically haven’t lasted for more than a month.

And yet, a lot of what I am proud of today is a result of these enthusiastic phases. Being a good public speaker. Having cultivated a habit of reading books. Exercising regularly. After repeated failures, finally succeed in quitting cigarettes. Got out of drugs. Packed my bags and traveled.

Of the thousand enthusiastic phases I have had in the last 26 years of my life, only a handful lasted a week. And of the handful, fewer still lasted a month. Of this lot, a tiny minority has lasted longer, stood the test of time and gone on to define who I am today.

And yet when the phases happened I had no way of differentiating between a habit that will last a lifetime and one that will barely last a week.

As of today I am enthusiastic about running an ice cream stall of my own, being an extraordinary voice-over artist, having a black belt in karate and being a great teacher.

Maybe all four of them will eventually become a part of who I am. Or perhaps all four will fail to last for any meaningful time frame. I would never know for sure till I jump into them completely, immerse myself in them with all my heart and soul.

So, I will give into my impulses. Each time I am in my enthusiastic phase I will act as if this one will go on to define me. Because in the end if I were to make a list of decisions that have changed my life, it would contain items that were all impulses once upon a time. It was that one book that I picked up and read. It was that one day of jogging. One day of not smoking. One moment of mustering enough courage to go up on stage. All were impulses. All are now a part of me.

Conclusion: I’ll spend as many days being a voice over artist as I want. I’ll spend as many days exploring and building the concept of ‘Sandy Ice Cream Stalls’. I’ll continue to dream about being a black belt. I will play into my visions of being able to help and guide people.

Here’s to the enthusiastic phases in life! Don’t know what I would have done without them.

detachment

When I detach myself from this world, I become an observer and cease to be a participant. My environment no longer defines me. The circumstances I find myself in loose their menacing build and take on more manageable forms. My mind becomes silent. Everything around me acquires an inexplicable magical tinge. I don’t label anything. I don’t judge anyone. I feel happy. Feel light.

I can put my heart into the work that I do and in the midst of all that activity my mind continues to be silent. I don’t get bogged down by the weight of expectations. I can allow myself to put the results out of the picture.

The restlessness that was last two weeks. I had lost my detachment. I became involved in everything. Expectations skyrocketed. Emotions ran wild. And since I wasn’t observing I didn’t know what was happening to me, to the world around me. Ego ruled supreme and everything became about me, me, ME.

Detachment is not about not trying hard enough. It is when, even as I give everything my best, I am always observing my actions and myself. Even though my heart and body are completely engaged, my mind is silent, detached.

Detachment is about rediscovering the internal stillness. It’s about finding peace. Its about allowing the soul to take over.